writings of the 12th poet

Numbified

Warmth… It is the exact opposite of my feelings now. Or do I still have them? Are emotions still present in my heart? I hope so.

I can still remember the last time I cried. I had a headache after crying… Maybe my brain got tired of processing all my thoughts… But I think it will change now.

It’s been weeks already. Call it stupidity but I sometimes force myself to exhibit a “real cry.” Because everytime I cry now, it’s like I’m doing it because I want to feel sad! It’s absurd. But I am becoming afraid… that I am reaching the point of insensitivity… that I am already immune to intense feelings. It’s alarming.

I forgot the true sense of laughter. When I smile, I fell like I’m a doll with a remote control. The happiness that I show isn’t genuine. It doesn’t reach my eyes. It doesn’t come from my heart.

I forgot how to love. “Words” thrown at me just bounce back… They aren’t accepted in my system anymore. They are unwanted. Because my system isn’t capable of reciprocating them. I am a black hole. I suck everything around me and anything that passes in front of me. But everything will be lost in the process. No one will ever know where they are going to… It’s in the abyss. Maybe.

Slap me, hurt me, ignore me.

Lie to me, betray me, kill me.

I won’t feel it. I am numb…

-12^th

***

S.W.A.S.

One tough cookie.

Cannot be hurt.

Don’t feel any pain.

Keeping everything to itself.

One drinker got sober.

Decided not to feel anything.

Wanted to be numb.

Braced against pain, against joy.

One army, a single soldier.

Guarding the base.

Watchful. Faceless. Fearless.

Preventing anything to get in.

A hot choco,

That’s what this cookie needs.

Soften the hard surface.

To appreciate the sweet core.

Black coffee. Perfect solution.

Offer a single cup, hold a conversation.

Long talks, sweet smiles.

Draw pictures. See life.

March with the soldier.

Give out a flower.

Watch the world together.

Ask for a tour, understand why.

Companion. I think she needs one.

Someone who will make her feel

That she still is human.

Chase all ghosts until there is none.

-8^th

Kung di ako makatulog dahil ayaw ko,

     iiling ka ba at sasabihing kakaiba ako?

Kung kailangan ko ng kausap sa madaling araw,

     magpupuyat ka din ba kahit antok na antok ka na?

Kung gusto kong mamasyal, magmall, magkape,

     mag-u-undertime ka ba para ilibre ako?

Kung naiiyak ako sa pinapanood ko kahit love story sya,

     titiisin mo bang tapusin ang pelikula?

Kung nilalamig ako dahil malakas ang aircon sa sine,

     makikiusap ka ba sa operator na hinaan?

Kung nilalagnat ako, nilalamig, masama ang pakiramdam,

     dadalhan mo ba ako ng gamot, kumot, at unan?

Kung natatakot akong mag-isa, natatakot ng walang dahilan,

     pupuntahan mo ba ako at sasamahan?

Kung nalulungkot ako, senti mode, o wala lang sa mood,

     magsesend ka ba ng jokes para mapatawa ako?

Kung naiinip ako sa kahihintay at nababadtrip na ng sobra,

     gagawa ka ba ng paraan para ako’y maentertain naman?

Kung gusto kong kumanta at manggitara,

     kukunin mo ba ang gitara mo para mag-jam tayo?

Kung gusto kong magbasa sa ulan dahil gusto ko lang,

     magbabasa ka rin ba o ako’y pipigilan?

Kung gusto kong maglaro na parang bata dahil naka-trip,

     hahanap ka ba ng jackstones, play doh, o pick-up sticks?

Kung gusto kong manahimik pero ayaw ko ng walang ingay,

     iisipin mo ba na nasisiraan na talaga ako ng bait?

Kung nagagalit ako dahil sa walang kwentang bagay,

     iiwanan mo ba ako dahil masyado na akong mababaw?

 

Kung nangagarap ako, nananaginip ng isang bagay na imposible,

     titingnan mo ba ako,

     hahawakan ang kamay,

     at mangangako,

     na gagawin mo ang lahat para maging masaya ako...

 

     kasama mo?

 

Introduction --> Growth --> Maturity --> Decline

After four years of studying Business Management, maybe the above line is the only concept that was engraved in my brain.
Supposedly, that is used to illustrate the product life cycle.. but it can also apply to a business/company.

Soon, I realized that this cycle applies to everything... even to man.

Birth --> Adolescence --> Adulthood --> Death

See the similarity?

Then I also noticed that the cycle is also visible on one of life's highlights: LOVE.

Introduction --> Growth --> Maturity --> Decline

See the similarity?
Oh. There is actually no difference.

I have undergone this cycle for sooo many times already. And it's not recent that it came to my mind that this will ALWAYS be the setup.
ALWAYS.

But I still want to be in the cycle...
Round and round.
Seems like I don't get tired of saying goodbye...
Like I don't get tired of reaching the end of the line...

Is this intelligence? Is this stupidity?
Oh.. Maybe it's perversity.


I've passed Introduction.
I've enjoyed Growth.
I've feared Maturity...
Coz I know that after it, there's only one stage left: Decline.

And I am right.
Coz today, just today..
I'm about to finish again, a CYCLE.

Would I undergo another one?
 

QUOTE-UNQUOTE:

If it was this easy to find you,
I should be ready for a fall.

-PJ Olsson (on his song Ready for a Fall)


***
Date Written: 19 June 07

Our pain is temporary,

     Our troubles are fleeting.

Like dry leaves blown by the wind,

     Like droplets of water scattered by the rain.

 

With the fog gone, the road is clear again.

     And the sky is bright blue once more.

And rainbows will fill your eyes,

     Bid all tears goodbye.

 

For the night has passed,

     And the day has come.

For someone to sit beside you,

     And everything will be fine.

 

Soon enough, you need not dream anymore,

     You just have to sit with him/her, too.

And then you start to live again…

     To love anew.

 

Knowing every moment you’ve waited,

     Is paid by every heartbeat of adventure.

And you know that it is not time wasted,

     But time spent to make reflections.

 

To become a better person,

     And now a better partner.

To make the memories lasting,

     And the love way stronger.

 

Now every weight is lighter,

     Every task half the effort.

Because finally you are to be whole,

     Finally you are no longer alone.

 

 

 

Now someone will sit with you on that bench

     ...until you both grow old.

 

 

(A collaboration of the 8^th and the 12^th.)

I was sitting on a bench at the park.

I can see the basketball court from here, actually it’s just a few steps away.

The guys playing a while ago already left, because it’s night now and it’s already dark.

 

It’s the second to the last day of October,

and the cold breeze is making my hands numb a little.

I should’ve brought a sweater.

 

I sat cross-legged, not minding my hair being swept by the wind.

Not far from me is a group of giggling girls and a bunch of overenthusiastic boys.

“Kids” I said to myself.

 

A short distance away, I can see two men talking and near them are to women chatting.

I am the only person alone, yet I never sought company.

My mp3 player is with me anyway so I’m all good.

 

A few minutes ago, the sky was pinkish gray again, and again, I longed for a camera.

Is this combination of colors supposedly significant?

 

But now the sky is shady, and it is starless.

It’s dark.

 

I wondered how long I have to wait.

I wondered how long I have to stay here.

 

I really want to go.

But a part of me wants to stay,

A part of me craves for silence,

A part of me loves the coldness.

 

But I have to decide.

I know it’s time to leave the comfort of this bench, to get out of this park.

 

But then I know,

there is a reason for me…

 

…to WAIT.

 

***

Date Written: 30 October 09

 

P.S.

Thanks for the title PS. =)

The trees' silhouette is lovely against the pinkish gray sky..
I wish I have a camera with me..
or better yet, a canvas, a brush, and a set of colors.
Then, I'd try to to capture a tiny bit of eath's beauty.

I looked up, and realized that it takes just a
single creation to leave a human in awe.
I perfectly knew that neither a picture nor a painting
could embrace the magnificence of the world.

I realized that I am just but a speck.

And I felt envy.
And I was engulfed by a childish insecurity...

That I can never be as strong,
as valuable,
and as beautiful...

...as a tree.

I arrived home about an hour ago.

Funny how I experienced so many emotions for the past half day.

 

I heard from three people that it was raining hard in our place while I was at work. On my way home, I changed route to avoid traffic but found out later on that the route I chose was more congested.

 

The damage and fear Typhoon Ondoy caused will be hard to forget. Everyday, in the news, naiiyak pa rin ako pag pinapakita ang mga tao. Naiiyak ako pag nakikita ang mga tumutulong. And when I was there at the jeep, seeing all the unmoving vehicles, seeing the water on the streets getting higher, I thought I was on the verge of having a panic attack.

 

I imagined how easily the flashflood came in NCR, how people were clueless, and I thought, “What if it’ll happen here? Now?”

 

And I realized that I am alone. I was scared, thinking if what I’ll do if the thing will happen that moment. I imagined terrible things. I started to get really nervous and I quickly thought of a way to divert my attention.

 

I noticed that the other lane is freer than the lane I am at, which is actually stagnant forever. I got off, walked, asked the policeman for suggestions, met two ladies also needing assistance. I asked them, “Gusto nyo maglakad na lang tayo?” They agreed. So we walked for like 10 minutes then we finally found a tricycle driver who agreed to drive us to the highway where we can finally ride jeepneys. But he then suggested that he’ll drive us all the way to where we are heading. And we were so thankful.

 

We three girls were suddenly close, na parang ang tagal na naming magkakilala.. laughing at what was happening, laughing that it was so muddy, laughing that we decided to walk on the dark, unsafe road… when minutes before, we were all scared.

 

Manong driver was a funny man. He made the ride very enjoyable sa mga jokes nya. Akalain mong nakakapagjoke sya while driving the trike. He didn’t even want to accept the money we’re giving him. And after about an hour, I arrived safely at home. Maraming salamat, Kuya. Sana mapasalamatan kita in a greater way someday.

 

Then after eating, eto, humarap na ko sa computer and checked my email, opened my site, when I saw another devastating news: earthquakes, tsunami, on other parts of the world.

 

I closed my eyes and thought: This is it.

 

This is the time to reflect.

The time to think.

The time to act.

 

This is not a joke anymore. This is not a movie scene.

It is happening. As was prophesized.

 

 

“Nation will rise against nation and kingdom against kingdom.” (Matthew 24:7)

 

“There will be food shortages.” (Matthew 24:7)

 

“There will be great earthquakes.” (Luke 21:11)

 

“There will be pestilences and fearful sights.” (Luke 21:11)

 

 

People are now alarmed, are now contemplating, are now seeking…

Seeking for answers, for reasons, for hope.

 

And the people realized that something is wrong.

And they asked: “Who is to blame?”

 

And they suddenly looked up to the One they never seem to know before.

And they asked for help. And they asked for forgiveness. And they asked for answers.

 

And they accepted the fact that “to earthling man his way does not belong, it does not belong to man who is walking even to direct his step.” (Jeremiah 10:23)

 

And they lament.

And they start to pray to Him whom they haven’t even tried to reach before.

 

And they now believe that they need Him.

And they are now praying that they will all be saved.

 

I now believe, more than ever, that I need Him.

I now pray that all can be saved.

 

 

***

 

This is a wake-up call.

Our time is running out.

 

 

QUOTE-UNQUOTE:

 

“Throw your burden upon Jehovah himself,
And He himself will sustain you.
Never will He allow the righteous one to totter.”

 

- Psalms 55:22

Call me crazy. Call me a liar. Call me a hypocrite.

But I really, really, didn’t feel the usual nervousness and excitement I feel during a Finals game.

And yes, not to mention that it’s the Finals’ FINAL GAME.

 

I blame the stupid game-fixing theories for my mood.

 

They ruined my enthusiasm. They killed the thrill.

Without these stupid theories, this series ought to be one of the best series PBA ever had.

One team leading the team standing since day 1, the other team coming from behind.

Teams with coaches who both were previous head coaches of the other team.

Teams winning alternately, to tie after six games.

Teams to battle it out on the seventh in front of 20,000 paying fans.

 

But does this all matter?

The series is MEANT to be electrying as the stupid conspirators say.

So I must not be surprised.

…that the series reached Game 7.

…that Ginebra’s import can either be blazing hot or blistering cold.

…that the refs make unbelievable calls.

…that it seems okay for the players when they lose.

 

Why in the world am I still watching?

Because I don’t believe in these theories, oh I forgot the adjective, STUPID theories.

Why?

Because I don’t want to. Period.

 

On the first quarter, my friend txted me saying he’s sleepy. I told him I don’t like it when I’m sleepy during a game, because it usually meant Ginebra will lose. No, I don’t believe in myths: in swerte-malas thingy. Like Quinito Henson is malas and Jason Webb is swerte (Ginebra won Game 5, Quinito commentated, and it’s Jason Webb who commentated tonight). Like Ginebra is swerte in red jerseys (they were in red tonight). It just happened that my being sleepy is usually followed by a loss. And it just happened that I was sleepy even before the first fieldgoal was converted.

 

And, oh my, I’ve yawned for about a million times on the 1st half, despite

…seeing a poster somewhere in the crowd saying “mas gusto namin ang gin kesa sa beer”

…JJ shooting almost all of Ginebra’s points

…all the bodies hitting the floor which meant the game was physical

…Salvacion being ejected because of a flagrant foul penalty 2

…Noel being scoreless for like forever

…Cortez, Pingris, Freeman, Villanueva killing Ginebra

…JJ scoring 15 points at the end of the first two quarters.

 

And I continued to yawn at the second half, despite

…fouls being called here, there, and everywhere

…Noel having an early Christmas vacation, where is he??

…me wondering if I really am watching a Game 7

…JJ shooting perfectly in the free throw line, scoring 23 points

…Lanete’s buzzer beater shot at the end of third

…hearing the report that Jong said: “keep on defending, don’t do anything stupid”

 

 

With just 2:40 minutes remaining, SMB only leading by 9, I threw my white towel and called it a night. I knew Ginebra is gonna lose. I can feel it.

 

Ginebra is the team that can bounce back with a 10-pt deficit with just a minute left ( Jawo’s era). But this time, this game, Ginebra just couldn’t make it. I threw away my never-say-die attitude.

 

And for the first time in my life, I never shouted or jumped while watching a Finals game.

 

And for the first time in my entire life, I finished watching a Finals game while lying down starting the fourth. Yes, literally lying down in bed while watching.

 

And when the final buzzer sounded, I turned off the TV. Finals MVP? Why would I care?

 

This is the lamest PBA Finals I’ve watched in my entire life.

 

Is it because I cannot even remember the last time Ginebra lost a championship they entered? (won their last 4)

Is it because Ginebra’s import sucked when he was needed the most?

Is it because I wished for a Game 7 so I can watch them celebrate?

Is it because JJ Helterbrand’s efforts while playing hurt became immaterial?

Is it because Mark Caguioa can’t do anything to save his team?

 

NO.

 

It’s because of the stupid theories that kept on saying that the series is scripted.

 

If Ginebra won tonight, would I feel the same way?

 

YES.

 

I wouldn’t be jumping up and down when somewhere in my brain, a big question mark is lurking, asking:

 

“IS IT ABOUT TIME FOR YOU TO BELIEVE?”

 

Seems like an X-files story to me.

Calling on Mulder and Scully.

 

Okay. So the bottom line of this game is fixed: the tie will be broken.
Which team will have the twice-to-beat advantage on Game 6?
Let’s find out.


First Half

…first two minutes, both teams scoreless, what a way to start a ballgame
…JJ’s first field goal = airball, happy that he’s playing but worried that he might aggravate his injury
…first two points, SMB, 9:45
…quick counted foul, Tubid, completes the 3-pt play, 5-4, 7:49
…Noel for 3!!! 8-8
…Tubid for 3!!! 11-10, 6:07
…Mamaril, 15-footer, 13-10
…Tubid fouled, 2/2 FTs, 15-10, a low-scoring ballgame, not good news for Ginebra
…turnover, SMB, Menk shot 2, 19-13
…Menk fouled, BGK leads by 6
…Cortez for 3, don’t get hot tonight, not tonight
…Reavis (pilit) 2-pointer, hehe
…23-18, BGK, end of 1st q
…Noel starts the 2nd q with a three!!!, BGK leads by 6
…Menk for 3!!! 29-21; 9:58
…MC was flashed on the screen, shouting some friendly advice to his teammates =)
…Cortez! I told you, don’t start it!!!
…Freeman, offensive foul, his 3rd! Noel clapping.
…Reavis again! wow! 8pt lead BGK
…dunk for Danny I, redeemed himself from the terrible miss last game (although I haven’t seen it)
…JJ missed a 3, he’s still scoreless
…Danny I, another dunk! im sorry to say, he’s being booed.
…nyahaha! I love ginebra’s new commercial! Mommy Dionisia must be Ginebra’s next muse! anong sinabi ni Elastoseal girl?!
…Ginebra stopped scoring, JJ obviously not his usual self, I hope he’s not in much pain
…Tubid and Hontiveros want to play tug-of-war without a rope
…Tubid called for the flagrant foul penalty 1, Hontiveros missed both FTs. nice.
…steal, Ginebra, Noel’s time to dunk!!!, 33-27, 5:22
…SMB fouled and fouled, Danny I being booed forever and ever. Amen.
…Wilson, time to shine, 35-32
…Lanete for 3!!! 38-33
…Noel for 3!!! 41-33
…Lanete again for 3!!! 44-33 (3 straight 3 pointers for BGK)
….waaahh.. I feel sorry for Danny I, he now understands how Mac Cardona feels
…Mamaril, another 15footer! 46-35
…it’s raining FTs for SMB
…JJ for 3!!! 49-37 (8th 3pointer for Ginebra)
…SMB commits a turnover, JJ left alone, 51-37
…another steal! (3rd consecutive TO for SMB)
…Hontiveros – flagrant foul penalty 1, fouled Wilson, the latter missing both FTs
…Lanete for 3!!! as per the Dean’s List, if Ginebra makes >13 3pts, they’ll probably win
…56-42, BGK, end of 2nd q


Second Half

…Lanete starts the second half with a bang, 58-42
…Lanete again! 60-42, this is his night
…Wilson! Ginebra now leads by 18 big points
…Freeman missed a dunk
…JJ missed quite a few 3pointers
…but Noel is hot!! another 3 for him!!! 14pt lead BGK, their 10th 3pts
…SMB misses, some action, lead down to 11
…Pennisi, counted foul on the 3pt area, completes the 4-pt play
…Bon Bon is back with a vengeance, he can do damage, lead down to just 5!
…Menk was fouled, Freeman’s fourth, 68-61, 4:35
…Bon Bon = secret weapon? 68-63
…Cortez again!!! I don’t like this. 68-65
…back to back foul, Pennisi + technical foul
…what’s happening? i'm lost, 69-65, 1:37
…Ginebra fell asleep, Danny I for two, 69-67
…Noel missed a 3, commits a foul, lead down to 1
…JJ, finally!
…71-68, BGK, end of 3rd
…Danny I, offensive foul
…Reavis fouled, shoots 1 of 2, lead is 4
…Tubid from the parking lot!!! HOT!!! fouled! completes the 4-pt play, 76-61
…GINEBRA! GINEBRA! GINEBRA!
…Freeman, 5th foul, Menk for 2, lead back to 7
…crowd: DEFENSE! DEFENSE!
…BGK, 3 consecutive fouls, 4th team foul already
…Pennisi, flagrant foul penalty 1! out of the playing court! (as he leaves, he threw a long dagger look at the referee… tsk. tsk. matakot ka, ref. hihi.)
…Noel 2 for 2 FTs, Ginebra up by 10, 8:43
…Noel for 3!!! tonight’s the night Noel! 13-pt lead, BGK
…”and they’re screaming and roaring..the Barangay Ginebra fans!”
…85-75, 8 mins.
…Noel for 3!!! lead back to 13 (13th 3-pointer..so Ginebra will win?)
…Danny on the FT line, sorry for him, he’ll have to swallow all the BOOs
…it’s raining FTs again for SMB, suddenly lead down to 7
…Ginebra has to score!!! NOW!!!
…commits foul again! FTs are killing them!
…finally, a 2pointer from Menk, 93-86, then 2 FTs for him, 95-86
…Cortez is a bright spot for SMB, lead down again to 6
…Noel, counted foul! completes the 3pt play, bye-bye Freeman
…98-89..last two minutes!!!
…Pacana, fouled out (did he score?)
…98-91, 1:29
…battle of the freethrowers.. haha.
…Wilson, 2 for 2, 9 pt lead
…JJ, 2 for 2, 11 pt lead
…Reavis, fouled out (dami naggraduate ah)
…Racela scoreless, since Game 3, good news for Ginebra
…crowd calling on HOMER SE!!! (sad, he wasn’t called to play)
…Racela made a 3pointer, not scoreless anymore.. haha
…106-98, BGK, final score
…best player: David Noel (29 pts, 11 rebounds)

Question:
Why is Artadi not playing?

Answer:
Coach’s decision.

Fine.

Huli man daw at magaling, huli pa rin.

Akalain nyong naabutan ko pa ang last 2 minutes? (Well, it’s all that matters!)
At akalain nyo ding kahit un lang ang naabutan ko eh meron pa kong entry ngayon?!
Thanks to my three friends na nag-update sa kin: Kaycee, Berlyn, and Tebs.
Synchronized ang mga messages nila, as in parang pinag-uusapan.
Sabay na sabay eh, pati minutes and seconds remaining, captured.
Ginagawa ba ito ng fans ng ibang teams?
I don’t think so.
That’s why I’m proud to be Pinoy, ay, ka-barangay. :D

Anyways, as per Kaycee’s messages, 2 of Ginebra’s players are included in the All-Defensive Team: Mamaril and Tubid. JJ is part of the 1st Mythical Team, and is of course, 2008-2009 Most Valuable Player. CONGRATS!

Okay.
So for the first 46 minutes, ang maibibigay ko lang ay ang scores:

First Half

BGK   SMB   Time
11       14      6:04
26       24      end of 1st q
38       38      7:18
43       42      3:32
46       47      end of 2nd q

Second Half

BGK   SMB   Time
61       57      7:00
61       60      6:31
68       68      2:38 (15th deadlock, Danny I. being booed)
73       71      end of 3rd
77       82      9:33 (back to back 3pts, Hontiveros)
83       86      7:08 (even Pingris is being booed. tsk tsk.)
88       94      4:49 
93       99      3:06
96      101     1:57

…at dito na ang aking grand entrance!
…Menk was fouled, split FTs, 97-101
…turnover, SMB, Lanete drove, pasok! 99-101, 55.1 seconds
…Jwash missed, Noel fouled, 2 for 2 FTs, 101 all, 37.6 seconds
…Freeman, bwiset (sorry, hehe), 103-101, 26.3 seconds
…so is this a cardiac ballgame or what?!?
…Noel fouled while attempting a 3
…and then the unbelievable and UNACCEPTABLE happened – he missed all 3 FTs!!!!!
…Freeman fouled, 101-105, 13.5 seconds
…and then Noel for three!!! (bumawi), 104-105, 10.7 seconds
…Cortez fouled, split FTs, 104-106
…Ginebra ball, kaya pa to! tabla-panalo lang!!!
…Lanete attempted a three, sablay, Tubid attempted a three, sablay ulit.
…BUZZ!!!
…104-106, SMB, final score

…I think I received about ten million txt messages within just 2 hours.
…I don’t know which to reply to first.

…thanks again to my friends, for the updates, without you, wala tong entry na to, wow. =)

…oh my gulay, it’s already 11pm, I still have work to do. =(
 

Straight from Bataan, I came home running…
Just in time, 1st quarter was starting… (ano to, tula? bat nagrhyme)…

Buti nalang nakita ko si ____ kanina, kaya kahit pagod, magsusulat pa rin ako. nyahaha.

First Half
…the score is 2-9 pagdating ko, SMB leads
…but im just too tired kaya mamyang 2nd half na ko magno-notes, kung ayos lang. :D
…fast forward, 21-29, SMB, end of 1st q.
…start of 2nd q, may nag FT from BGK, nakalimutan ko kung sino, then quick 2 SMB
…counted foul, Baguio, missed the FT, and then another shot by Baguio
…8-pt lead SMB
…Tubid fouled, made 1 of 2 FTs
…ano to? replay ng game 2? nakakawalang gana… tsk.
…gosh, I feel so tired…
…11-pt lead SMB, 8:35
…counted foul, Menk, assist by Baguio, Menk completed the 3pt play, ayos.
…then Menk attempted a 3, oops, di pasok, sorry
…Cortez kept on shooting! buset!
…missed dunk, Freeman.. nyahaha. :D
…Noel for three!!! 36-43, SMB, 6:17
…Don Don for three!!! kainis.
…Cortez again! buset.
…counted foul, Tubid, completes the 3pt play, good
…Tubid, tres!!! (parang puro Tubid nalang), 42-48
…Washington, tres din! lead back to 9
…Reavis fouled, missed 2 FTs, pati ba naman sa FT, Rafi? hehe.peace. =)
…Noel fouled, 2 of 2 FTs, yan, ganyan, lead down to 7
…Jwash, tres ulit! Yiih.. lipat ka na kasi sa Ginebra para mahalin kita. haha.
…nice pass Noel, going to Reavis, finally! na-shoot!
…Freeman blocked by Reavis, infernez
…crazy shot by Tubid, lead down to 6
…Jwash, tres na naman!!!! buset. 9 ulit ang lamang.
…Jwash again!!! cmon. stop him pls.
…48-61, SMB, end of 2nd q. buset.

Second Half
…may naka-shoot sa BGK, 50-61, start of 3rd
…JJ for three!!! 53-61
…Tubid, naka-shoot din! 7-0 run by Ginebra
…Jwash silenced the crowd. kainis sya ever. lead back to 8.
…counted foul, Reavis, completes 3pt play, amazing, lead down to 5
…crowd roaring DEFENSE! DEFENSE! DEFENSE!
…Noel to Wilson! nice! lead down to 3!
…GINEBRA! GINEBRA! Sixth man is in the game!
…counted foul, Villanueva, nag-uumpisa pa lang ang chant eh. buset.
…lead back to 6, 8:29
…Tubid missed, Jonas lost the ball (karma. hehe.)
…offensive foul, Reavis, loseball picked up by Wilson, Jwash snatched it from him
…power lay-up by Menk! he’s doing good so far, lead down to 4, 6:23
…3 consecutive misses, SMB (off offensive rebounds)
…Noel misses, tip-in Menk! apir!, lead just 2! 64-66, 5:47
…Ambassador Kristie Kenney is present again, I think she watched the whole of Semis, I wonder who’s she rooting for.
…Freeman fouled, shoots 2 FTs… is he actually being booed?
…3pt FGs: SMB – 2/12, BGK – 7/9
…and then Baguio and Menk both missed 3pointers, jinx ung stat
…Noel for three!!! eto na ulit. 68-70; 3:54
…Hontiveros missed 1 FT.. big deal. madalang pa sa patak ng ulan magmintis to.
…wait a minute! Ginebra is just down by 3 pala!
…and then a Sunday Special! game tied! 71 all! woot woot!
…GINEBRA! GINEBRA!
…JJ missed a three, the camera literally rocked
…and then, 5pt SMB lead ulit.
…Freeman, nadulas, another Sunday Special!!!
…76-78, SMB, end of 3rd q.
…this is it, people! 2 FTs Noel, ties the game for the 3rd time, start of 4th
…CORTEZ!!! i’m hating him.
…Mamaril, 2 of 2 FT, 4th deadlock
…nabubuhay si Cortez sa lucky shots, promise.
…JJ all alone, almost missed, pero pasok! 5th deadlock, 9:58
…turnover, SMB.. crowd is going crazy
…Baguio for tthreeee!!! Ginebra grabbed the lead
…somebody said, “Big Dome is rocking!”
…turnover again, SMB
…Noel for tthreeee!!! Ginebra up by 6!
…turnover again, SMB, third straight, good defense Gins
…Noel missed a 3, Baguio off. rebound, Noel for 2, up by 8
…Cortez for three! I hate him, for real
…BGK lead down to 5, 8:07
…Mamaril, long jumpshot, lead back to 7
…Peña, offensive foul! Mamaril missed, rebound by Baguio
…Noel counted foul, missed FT, lead by 9, 94-85
…this is getting pretty good!
…Penissi (thanks for the spelling Chris, haha), offensive foul
…JJ jumper, lead by 11, 6:32
…13,512 fans going bananas
…back to back shots, SMB, lead down to 7
…JJ jumper, lead back to 9
…100-93, 4:15
…Noel, tres! BGK leads by 10
…turnover again, SMB, Menk missed, got his own miss, time out BGK
…time to breathe, everyone
…Baguio for three! BGK leads by 13
…Jwash is not yet over
…Wilson is making it happen, lead back to 11
…Penissi fouled out, Menk shooting both FTs, 110-99, 1:22
…Jwash fouled, missed both FTs, nice!
…Wilson fouled, and fouled (parang game 1 lang)
…116-103, final score
…Best player: Eric Menk (16pts, 5/7 FGs)
…special mention: David Noel (32pts, 10rebs, 12assists)

…sulit ang effort.
…nakakawala ng pagod.
…btw, baka wala akong notes for Game 4, baka si Tud ang magiging substitute ko. :D

P.S.

EVEN when he is not onhis usual offensive mode, Jayjay Helterbrand still finds ways to help Barangay Ginebra. Like what he did Sunday, chipping in a bit of a coaching suggestion which proved crucial andenabled the Kings to fashion a come-from behind 116-103 win over San MiguelBeer in their Motolite PBA Fiesta Conference championshiop duel at the Araneta Coliseum. I thank him for suggesting we use Willy Wilson on Jay Washington,” related Uichico. “I said yes because what I was doing wasn’t working. He said, 'Let’s play Willie and see what he can do.' So I started him in the second half and it worked out well.”

http://www.pba.ph/topstories/noel-td-propels-ginebra-2-1-lead

(Salamat sa link, Tud.)
 

6:00pm. I already tuned in sa CS9, baka sakaling maaga ang game. Sabi ng tatay ko, “Samurai Jack pa lang nyan.” Wow. Adik lang sa Samurai Jack ang tatay ko. Kaloka.

 

6:15pm. Nainip ako kaya nagvideoke muna for a while. Pinaakyat ko muna tatay ko para sa kwarto nalang sya manood ng SJ. Hehe.

 

6:45pm. Chineck ko ulit CS9. Ayos. Game 1 recap na.

 

7:00pm. Awarding. Best Import: Freeman. Best Player of the Conference: Helterbrand.

I think both awards deserved. Bravo.

 

First Half

…first FG, 3 pts by Salvacion

…and then a 3 from Artadi, and then another one from JJ, the latter from the parking lot

…Artadi is making it happen again, already with 8 pts, 16-8, 6:27

…Ginebra stopped scoring, 10-0 run by SMB, what the hell is happening?

…Noel’s 3-pointer broke the silence (steal by Lanete)

…another steal, Menk fouled, missed both free throws, great

…Baguio made a 3, five 3-pt shots for Ginebra

…22-20, Ginebra, end of first q.

…my golly, pabalik-balik ang sakit ng ulo ko

…sorry naman sa mga nagpapaupdate na friends, not enough vitamins ako now

…ninakaw ni Racela ang lead

…Mamaril is missing close shots again, what’s new?

…SMB already leads by 5, 7:25

…and then Noel made a power dunk!!! lumindol sa Big Dome

…Baguio lost the ball for I guess the third time

…at nagdunk din si Freeman. (gaya gaya.. hehe. joke)

…nag-tres si JJ, tapos nag-tres si Jwash, tapos nag-tres si Noel

…33-41, SMB, 5:06

…nag-tres ulit si Jwash, lamang na ng 11 pts ang SMB, ayos

…nag-tres si Artadi, nakalimutan na ata nila ang meaning ng 2 pts.

…Tubid made a tough tough shot, lead down to 6

…44-50, SMB, end of second q.

…kailangan ko rin ng time out, my headache is aching!!!

 

Second Half

…SMB gets all the rebounds

…sloppy game by Ginebra, nakakatamad panoorin

…lalo sumasakit ulo ko, bwiset

…JJ for 3!!! aba, 4-pt lead na lang

…biglang humampas ang ulo ni Artadi sa floor, ouch, technical fould si Jwash

…now it’s Menk’s turn to miss point-blank range shots

…had my dinner, baka sakaling mabawasan sakit ng ulo ko

…12-pt lead by SMB

…I think naka 1 million attempts na ang Ginebra sa 3pts, so far I guess they made just 10

…may na technical, before mag FT si JJ, kaya 3 FTs for him, pasok lahat

…TO sa SMB, no look pass by JJ not received by Tubid

…galit na galit si JJ sa sarili nya, pinagpapalo nya ang floor at parang gusto nyang punitin ang shirt nya

…another TO by Salvacion, ganda

…64-71, SMB, end of third q.

…Freeman already with 5 fouls at the start of fourth

…Noel for tthrreeee! 6-pt lead na lang

…Noel for tthreeeee! Part 2

…Pingris, counted foul, twice

…Pingris ulit, I’m hating him as of the moment, 11-pt lead na naman, bwiset

…naka-tres ulit si Noel, infernez

…20 TOs ang BGK, what can I say?

…a billion 3pt attempts by BGK, half of them were from Salvacion

…WTH is wrong with Sunday? 1/9 3pt FG, di ba nya pansin na off night nya?!?!? kailangan pa bang imemorize yan?!?!?

…Ginebra: 36 3pt attempts

…Reavis, tutukan, pasok?!? syempre hindi, asa pa ko

…Tubid, offensive foul, elbowed Racela in the face, bruised, umuusok ang ilong sa galit

…what else CAN’T go wrong?!?

…5-man substitution, BGK, hinagis na ang white flag

…uwian na.

…78-95, final score

 

…oops, but more! there's wait!!!

…biglang umakyat sa stands si Ildefonso at parang may fan sya na gustong bugbugin

…sumama si Pingris

…inawat sila ni Siot and the rest of the SMB team

…parang ayaw papigil ni Pingris, super galit sya to the highest level

…dinampot ng security people ung fan, kala ko si Siot un, kamukha nya, hihi

…at un ang nagpasaya sa game.

…bow.

 

…masakit pa rin ang ulo ko.

…langya.

 

 

 

Bakit ang hilig magpost sa Friendster bulletin ng mga tao tapos pag open mo, ang nakasulat: “wala lang!”?

Bakit ang daming nagfflood sa bulletin board ng FS, as in ung tipong 10 posts na pare-pareho lang tapos wala namang kwenta?

Bakit tuwang-tuwa ang mga pipz pag may nag-invite sa kanila na hindi nila kilala at na wala silang koneksyon ever tapos magcocomment pa ng “thankz for the add”?

Bakit ang mga tao nagpopost ng comment sa Friendster or nagsusulat sa guestbook sa Multiply or nagleleave ng something sa wall sa Facebook tpos ang ending naman eh, “comment ka din sakin ha?”?

Bakit may mga nagleleave ng comment sa whatever post tapos pag sinagot mo, N.R. na at hindi ka na babalikan?

Bakit may mga taong di marunong mag-end ng conversation sa YM, bigla nalang mawawala in the middle of the conversation nang hindi naman pala nadisconnect?

Bakit ang dami ding view lang ng view wala namang kibo, as in dumadaan lang?

Bakit mo ilalagay sa ‘featured friends’ ang isang tao kung wala naman siyang importance sa buhay mo?

Bakit pa nagsisign in sa YM ang mga tao kung ilalagay lang ang status na “busy” o “do not disturb” para hindi mo i-pm?

Bakit pag meron ka ng ni-reject na friend invitation ay iinvite ka pa ng paulit-ulit at hindi pa nakakahalata na ayaw mo nga i-accept?

Bakit may mga taong panay kontra sa opinion ng blogger sa mismong blogsite nya at hindi nalang sya gumawa ng sariling blogsite para dun nya ibuhos ang kanyang mga saloobin?

Bakit ba ang daming feeling ganda at feeling gwapo pero chaka naman at kung makapagcomment at makapagpost eh parang sinong sikat at may authority?

Bakit may friend ako na gusto ko i-delete kasi nabubwiset lang ako everytime na iview nya ko sa FS or ang mga posts ko sa Multi pero hindi ko pa rin magawang idelete?

Bakit palaging may someone in mind ako bago ako magpost, hoping na babasahin nya at matutuwa ng sobra pag viniew nya at madidisappoint naman pag hindi?

Bakit ba palagi syang online pero dinededma naman ako pero di ko rin magawang i-pm kasi baka di rin ako pansinin, pero sa totoo lang eh gusto ko talaga sya makachat?

Bakit ang dami ng taong sobrang kulit at tanong na ng tanong kahit sinabi mo ng hindi mo nga maexplain at hindi ka tatantanan sa pagtatanong ng “bakeet?”?

Bakit ba ang dami ko ring tanong at bakit ba ko nangengelam?

I made sure that I was home at exactly 7:30 pm.

And then, before 8:00 pm, somebody texted me that it’s starting.

I thought everything was just a prelude to the Opening… but oh, un na pala un.

I thought sira ang TV namin or ang antenna or whatever, because the videos are like from a pirated CD… got the same comments from friends… so I guess our TV is okay.

 

First Half

…very slow start, I guess 4 minutes gone by, both still scoreless

…my friend Tebs said the final score would be like 21-32, I almost agreed.

…then whoa! Artadi! three 3pointers + a jumpshot = 11pts, paumpisa pa lang ang laro

…and then JJ was H.O.T.

…and the people shouted “MVP! MVP! MVP!” kaya nakisigaw ako.

…then Mick and Jonas had their own 3s…

…Tubid’s antics seldom fail

…Mamaril missed I think a million point-blank range shots

…all of a sudden, Ginebra is leading by 15

…then before the last 2 minutes of the second quarter, Intal had a dunk

…and the commentators said tumayo ang lahat ng tao sa court.

…naka tres ulit si JJ! woohoo!!! already with 19 big points.

…the Barangay chanted “GINEBRA! GINEBRA! GINEBRA!”

…53-41, Ginebra lead, end of first half

…JJ interviewed, intro: “I love you Jaylyn” sana anak din ako ni JJ.. haha.

…basta sabi nya sa page-english nya, “sabi nila down kami, kaya un ung big motivating factor,
papakita namin sa kanila na kaya namin to…” (wow. parang di naman ganun sinabi nya.. basta hayaan nyo na lang.) :D

 

Second Half

…had my dinner at pagtingin ko sa score, golly! 5-pt lead na lang!

…tapos nakita ko si Noel, and in a snap, 10-pt lead ulit!

…tapos parang lahat ng offensive rebounds, kinontrata na ni Artadi, naging 15-pt lead na!

…then it’s raining 3s, crucial are Salvacion’s

…I have to applaud the assists of Noel and JJ

…Ginebra leads by 16 at the end of third quarter.

…enter the fourth and Baguio had his shining moments…

…tapos parang biglang naloka ang lahat at naging 7-pt lead na lang, 7:41 left

…but so far, it’s still the Cyrus Show

…Reavis made a very rare counted foul, out of JJ’s assist

…and the crowd chanted “GINEBRA! GINEBRA! GINEBRA!” again

…somebody from SMB had a 4-pt play (?), lead down to 8

…then Noel gave a crazy pass, resulting to a turnover, lead down to 6

…Salvacion for tthhhreeee!!!!! lead back to 9, 3:39

…and then down to 4 again, before the last 2 minutes

…Hontiveros travels, courtesy of ehem, Tubid, 4-pt lead, 54.5 seconds,

…Tubid for 2 pts!!! lead back to 6, 32.5 seconds

…then Tubid was fouled and fouled again and he made the FTs

…and Ginebra sealed the win

…102-96 final score

…Best Player: JJ Helterbrand (21 pts, 8 rebounds, 6 assists) – thanks for this, KC

 

…and my cellphones kept on beeping from tip-off to final buzzer.

…but it’s all good.

 

…goodnight, people

…goodnight, ka-barangays. :D

 

Gusto mo ba mabasa ang Diary ko? Oo, diary, as in yung notebook na sinusulatan ng daily events. Hihi. Nagdefine? Eto na ang chance mo, sikretong malupit ang mga to kaya sana atin-atin nalang ha?

 

Para safe, gumawa ako nun ng sarili kong alphabets, as in symbols sila, parang alibata (un nga ba ang tawag dun?) Ganun ko isinulat ang mga names at ilang sensitive phrases, para kung mawala man ang diary ko at mapulot ng iba, mahihirapan silang umintindi at hindi ako mabubuking. Pero ung iba, isinulat ko sila using code names, para mysterious. At dahil hindi ko pwedeng ipakita dito ang sarili kong alphabets dahil hindi available sa aking QWERTY keyboard, ung code names na lang ang isusulat ko. Sa mga friends ko na magbabasa nito at na nakakaalam sa ilang code names na babanggitin ko, wag kayong maglasing after nyong magbasa ah? :D

 

Ready? Here we go…

 

Legend:

Names in BLUE/bold are codenames, names written as is are real names.

Notes in (parentheses) and in RED ay ang mga pambabalahura ko sa sarili kong Diary entries.

 

01 Jan 01

 

So, it’s New Year! Well, nothin’s so important about it anyway! I thought pa naman that LD (hulaan nyo kung sino sya) will greet me in txt, like what he did in Christmas, but instead, it was just another stupid greeting from a non-sense person. (hindi naman ako masyadong harsh nito.)

 

29 Jan 01

 

Grabe! Ivory is so cute! He’s always looking pa naman!!! (bwahaha… kapal muks.)

 

04 Feb 01

 

I was a little bit surprised when LD texted me using his Globe sim. You know what he told me? That The Corrs are featured on MTV and that they’re the Chosen One in Channel V. He still remembers that I love The Corrs! (yeah, big deal.)

 

05 Feb 01

 

Kakatawa si Simon. He still thinks that I’m angry. When I was looking at him with my eyebrow raised, he said in a pleading voice, “Bud!” then I went away smiling a lit’l bit. When we’re in front of the room, he was looking at me than I said, “Anong problema mo?!” He said, “Ikaw!” (nyahaha. ang mga bata nga naman oh.)

 

18 Feb 01

 

Ginebra won! vs. Mobiline. Grabe! Ang galing ni Bal David. (waaahh. miss ko na si Bal.)

 

20 Feb 01

 

This is a memorable day. In T.H.E., we are practicing on how to beat eggwhites and then people started on throwing the foam! As in nagulo ang mundo! Puno kami ng eggwhites!!! Takbuhan non kami sa CR to wash our hair and faces. Eventhough it’s disgusting, it’s fun! (this one is still fresh in my memory.)

 

16 March 01

 

I cried! Stupid teacher! (wag ko na banggitin dito ang name, pero sa diary ko, andun talaga.. eto ung kinwento ko sa Kabarangay Blues, about our Math teacher na nagbigay sakin ng grade na 84 dahil lang sa Ginebra.) Research product kina Nors, stayed until 10pm. Simon told me to text my parents, saying, “Nag-aalala na niyan…” (woohoo. may sweetness din pala ang taong to.)

 

10 April 01

 

Txted with hu d hel (who the hell was hu d hel?!?)

 

05 May 01

 

First txt with Alexis (at sino din si Alexis?!?)

 

11 May 01

 

Stupid frend txted: “lab u!”, “kumain ka na? wag kang magpapagutom!” blah blah blah… txted with Hello (golly, sino tong mga taong to?!?! di ko sila kilala!!!!)

 

31 May 01

 

Magkikita dapat kami ni Gen (waaahhhh!!! may amnesia ata ako.)

 

24 June 01

 

This is some kinda day. Badminton tryouts were postponed so we have so much time left after the training. We ate lunch at Mcdo and both Simon and Cute came. My heart is beating furiously. (huh? parang time bomb lang.) When we’re about to leave, we passed by Cute’s table and he even asked me about the tryouts. I didn’t know how to react but I managed to say something. (parang tanga lang. tama bang maging speechless?!) Then, we went to Jame’s house to have ourselves tutored by her brother’s friend about the stupid Calculus lesson. (Jame, sino nga kasi un?) After that, we saw Ivan! As in Ivan Mayrina of Unang Hirit! He’s so cute and so….cute! (wow. so many adjectives, huh.) After that encounter with him, we played billiards, then Jame and I found out that we have a hidden talent in this sport. (let’s keep it hidden, nakakahiya kay Paeng.)

 

03 July 01

 

Super training! I don’t know where I’ve gotten all the energy but I’m just so energetic! (malamang.) I feel so lively and free (free? as in malaya?) that I wanted to give my best in Badminton (MILO best ito. I miss our trainings! I miss being active in sports!)

 

21 July 01

 

We had our training and my “heart” ached again. It’s literal. Something in my chest is bothering me. Anyways, naglibot na lang kami. First, billiards, then bowling, then to Myra’s house, then to Rein’s house. (may nararamdaman na nga nakuha pang maglibot ng bonggang bongga.)

 

27 July 01

 

COOKFEST. We won 2^nd and 3^rd sa dalawa naming entries. (joined Cookfest from first to fourth year and we were in the Top 3 for four years. uhuh. uhuh. )

 

23 to 29 August 01

 

INTRAMS. Champions kami sa Cheerdance and sa Basketball girls. We are also the overall champs. (my Intrams History: First year- Volleyball; Second year- Badminton Singles; Third year- Cheerdance, Badminton Singles and Doubles Girls; Fourth Year- Cheerdance, Volleyball, Basketball… kung sigurong may Rugby o kaya Synchronized Swimming nung Intrams sumali din ako.)

 

26 August 01

 

Francis called. (eto na naman tayo… sino si Francis?!?)

 

17 September 01

 

Went to Leah’s house. Called Francis (I called him? as in ako ang tumawag? and I can’t remember who he is?) Joker’s so cute. (sa sobrang dami ng code names, di ko na tuloy matandaan kung sino ung iba.)

 

18 and 19 September 01

 

During lecture in Physics, Simon borrowed my ballpen. (at talagang kailangan pa itong isulat sa diary?!)

Tune up in JCFC. Some people are calling my name, I don’t who they are. Alfrancel kept on saying, “Sikat sikat!!!” (wow. dami kong fans noon. celebrity? duh. haha.)

 

29 October 01

 

Mark txted me asking if he can come to school on Wednesday. (this time around I know who Mark is.) Then Francis txted me also asking me if he can go to our house on Wednesday to visit me. (may sakit? di ko talaga maalala sino si Francis. adik lang.)

 

05 November 01

 

Because Ma’am Quilla called me “Joy” and my classmates heard me complaining about it coz I hate being called Joy, Martin kept on calling me “Ligaya.” (langya talaga tong Martin na to. nyahaha.)

 

25 March 02

 

Cute called twice. And on the second time, he confessed! (ano to? confession as in, buntis ako ikaw ang ama? o confession ng isang nagkasala? hihi.)

 

***

 

Ooops. Hanggang dito nalang muna mga bata.

Sa uulitin. Nyahaha. =)

 

 

 

QUOTE-UNQUOTE:

 

Dear Diary, he finally called me by my name.
I didn't know how to behave.
What to say or do, now I'm so confused.

 

-M2M on their song Dear Diary… nyahaha. Drei, favorite!

I was having my usual “busy” day, ehem, and I made kalkal to the stuff in my drawers and saw some things that made me smile and frown.

 

I saw my notebooks (yes, I am a notebook addict), and was actually shocked that they contain several revelations.

 

Mahilig ako magsulat, literally and literarily. I saw that my notebooks in high school and college were full of scribbles, lyrics, quotes, codenames of crushes, walang katapusang pagpractice ng pirma, lettering ng name, notes sa seatmate, and other chuvanels.

 

“wow! next week na ang deadline ng paper? wala pa ko nauumpisahan!”

 

“kailangan na daw bukas ung 1x1 photo para sa index card, magpapic na tayo later.”

 

“ui, si kuya ___ at si ate ___ na pala? nakita ko sila sa toll haws, holding hands.”

 

“tingnan mo si wormy, para syang tanga. nagpapacute.”

 

“ayun si mulawin! sa court!”

 

And aside sa mga kalokohang to, I found out that my notebooks contain several of my writings that I am no longer aware of. Ang dami ding papers, yellow paper, bond paper, at lahat ng klase ng papel na nakaipit sa mga notebooks ko containing free verses and other words that floated through my brain- words that will not take “no” or “later” for an answer. They have to be written THAT moment, kahit ano pa ginagawa ko, in the middle of the class, nasa tambayan, nasa library, nasa jeep, wherever, whenever. Haha.

 

I have 4 notebooks (if I am not mistaken), where I neatly transferred my poems, essays, free verses, etc. The first one contains strictly “poems”- mostly were written when I was in high school. In college, I almost never wrote poems anymore. The second one contains free verses, and it is already full. The third one contains writings that I directly written there: on-the-spot pagsusulat. The fourth one contains those that are supposedly dedicated to specific persons. Except from those in the third notebook, all my writings are first written on “scratch papers.” The problem is that I now proved that I really lost some writings… writings that I wasn’t able to transfer on my notebooks, or maybe, were intentionally not transferred.

 

And today, I discovered again a writing that remained in the scratch paper. Whoa. The content shocked me.

 

A few days ago, I was browsing the Word document where I am now writing. The first entries are those that are handwritten in my notebooks and I just typed them to copy and paste to the first blogsite that I created para sa isang subject nung college. The latter entries are those that I directly “wrote” sa computer, and na hindi ko na trinansfer sa notebooks. These are the entries that are posted on my current blogsites. Then, I saw the previous entries and found two writings that troubled me. (Bolgeym and Tubig…Na Naman) Wala sila sa apat na notebooks ko. Hindi ko din makita ang scratch kung saan ko sila sinulat. I don’t know what happened. Hindi ko tuloy madetermine kung kelan ko sila sinulat. And writing dates are really important to me.

 

Sayang lang at hindi pa ko nagba-blog dati. Ang dami ko tuloy writings na nawala na. Pero when I look at my notebooks, I see that there was actually an advantage that I used to handwrite them. They seem more “genuine”. They are more heartfelt.

 

And I remembered how I let my friends borrow my notebooks, and how they give comments and reactions to the entries that they liked, and how once, even the man that “crossed” my life had the chance to read my thoughts on one of them.

 

I miss my notebooks who became my greatest confidants.

I miss my friends who were always eager to read anything that I wrote.

I miss the guys that I dedicated my writings to. They didn’t know that I spent so much time, and that I cried so much tears, and that I poured so much emotions in those papyrus.

 

And, I miss writing. The literal one. Ang tagal ko ng hindi “nagsusulat” talaga.

Kaya tuloy eto na lang ang masasabi ko:

 

“I’m sorry class if my writing is like siken skrats.”

Madilim, malamig..
Sigurado ako, maraming
manunulat ngayon
ang naglipana.
Hawak ang bolpen, tangan
ang kwaderno.
Nakatingin sa malayo,
ayaw paistorbo…

Maraming lamok, nangangagat.
Sira ang payong,
di mabuksan.
Basa ang pantalon,
putikan ang tsinelas.
Nakakairita, bagong linis
pa naman…

Sarap matulog, mahiga.
Tamad magaral, gumala..
Nababagot, nagsasawa.
Paulit-ulit ang buhay,
nakakasuka.

Umuulan na naman,
lalong nakakalungkot.
Kasabay ng patak ng ulan,
ang patak ng luha ko.
Pano ba ko makakalimot?

Kung sanang ang pag-ibig
ay kagaya ng ulan.
Kahit anong mangyari,
may katapusan.
Kung sanang maibebenta
lang ang ulan at luha,
E di sana, ang yaman ko na…


P.S.
I posted this because I'm now worried that I might have lost some of my writings.
Thanks to the Word doc I saved in my computer, I retrieved this and the previous entry.
But still, I can't find the notebook where I've handwritten it, or at least the scratch paper I used, which will indicate the writing date and time.

I hate me. Tsk.

Pers Kwarter.

 

Wow. dami naman ng players… pero konti lang kilala ko.

Puro Green Team, mangilan-ngilang Red Team.

Makipagkilala kaya ako?!

Saka na lang.. marami pa namang oras..

On the third minute, may nakilala akong player from the Yellow Team.

Haha.. nakakatuwa naman sya..

Ang galing niyang maglaro.. Nai-inspire tuloy akong manood.

Sobrang dami nyang na-shoot nung 3^rd minute.

Walangya. Tinambakan ang kalaban. Nakaka-amaze.

Nangalahati na yung 1^st kwarter, napagod ata sya.

Di na sya gumawa. Buti na lang malaki ang lamang.

 

Sekon Kwarter.

 

Hala. Dami ko ng nakilalang ibang players. Yung iba visitors pa..

Nakaka-overwhelm naman.

Musta na kaya si MVP? Medyo tumahimik sya..

Pero kahit papaano, nagpaparamdam pa rin.

Nakakainis! Sya lang ang inaabangan ko eh!

Sana lagi syang ipasok…

Ayun! Pinasok na sya! Walangya, technical foul!!!

Bakit? Dumugo ba?! Bad trip naman oh, wag nyong sabihing ma-eeject sya?

Pero sa bagay, deserve nya. Masyado syang mayabang.

Kala mo kung sino. Pasalamat sya cute sya. Wahaha!

O, foul na naman? Nakailan na yan?!

Baka masayang lahat ng ginawa nya. Ayan, pinaupo muna sya sa bench.

Next quarter na siguro ulit sya ipapasok.

 

TerdKwarter.

 

Wow! ang saya ng game. Pasok na ulit si MVP..

Kaya lang, di sya nakaka-shoot. Anyway, sya naman ang nagke-create ng spark. =)

Pag hawak nya ang bola nagiging exciting ang laro. Pati ibang tao, nagiging into it!

Diba, sosyal!!

Lalo akong nagbibilib sa kanya, kahit na maangas ang tanga…

May something sa kanya eh..di ko maalis ang tingin ko sa kanya.

Parang sya lang ang taong nakikita ko sa court.

Langya, foul trouble na sya! “Hello, are you drugs?! Bahala ka nga..”

Nangalahati na ang kwarter. Bat di nagbabago ang skor?

Lamang pa rin team ni MVP.. ay, Red Team na pala sya ngayon.

Grabe, sumasakit na ang puso ko.. sobrang cardiac bolgeym na to.

Dun nga ako sa malapit sa bench, para makita ko ng malapitan

si MVP…. Nakaka-tense naman dito! Parang kinakabahan lalo ako!

Masyadong matindi ang effect.. dahil ba malapit ako sa kanya?! Ganun ba un?!

Naalala ko, kanina pa pala ako nauuhaw… Wait a minute!!!

Nakaupo na pala sa harap ko si MVP! Huwat?!

Kaka-conscious naman.. tumitingin pa naman sya sa likod. Iyyy…

Ay! Biglang may tumawag sa kin? Hala, nakatingin si MVP..

Sya ba un?parang hindi.. pero parang nafi-feel ko na oo..

Last two minutes na lang, ang gulo nya sa loob ng court!

Di mapakali..Bakit kahit nasa court sya tumitingin pa rin sya dito?!

Walangya, natutuwa na naman ako…

Huh? Foul na naman?! Fouled out na sya?!? Walangya, ilang seconds na lang? 4, 3, 2, 1.

Tapos na 3^rd kwarter. Mabuti sana kung tapos na rin ang game..

pero may isang kwarter pa eh.. Bat naman sya nagpa-foul out?

Wala na, wala na kong gana..

Di ko na ata tatapusin ang game..

Uuwi na ko…

***
Date Written: 2005 ? (Gosh. I can't find the paper/notebook where I wrote it.)

After watching the show (first half on TV, last half on the net), I said to myself,

“It will definitely be a matter of PREFERENCE.”

 

Will you choose the one you like? Or will you choose the one who’s better?

Will you choose the one who can sing the whole day without you complaining of noise pollution? Or will you choose someone who has an unbelievable vocal range and crazy flexibility?

Will you choose an underdog? Or will you choose the top contender?

 

With these talented guys, they can just do a toss coin or bato-bato pick to crown the next American Idol.

 

ROUND 1: Contestants’ Choice

 

Adam – He sang “Mad World.” I liked it as how I liked it before. A solid performance. Controlled. Flawless. Although I wished he chose to sing again Track of My Tears.

 

Kris – He sang “Ain’t No Sunshine.” This was one of my favorite performances of Kris. I think it’s smart that he didn’t do Heartless even though that was his shining moment. I agree with Kara. Kris can definitely touch his listeners. I had goosebumps when he sang.

 

Round 1 for me, goes to KRIS.

 

 

ROUND 2: Simon Fuller’s Choice

 

Adam – He sang “A Change is Gonna Come.” C’mon, now who in the world can sing that better than Adam? He carved his name on AI history with that performance. Crazy. Adam is brilliantly crazy.

 

Kris – He sang “What’s Going On.” A decent performance. I think it’s not a good song choice, but that’s not Kris’ fault of course. Yes, it suits him, but the song’s not powerful enough to guarantee a win.

 

Round 2 for me, goes to ADAM.

 

 

ROUND 3: Coronation Song (No Boundaries)

 

I cannot appreciate the song yet. Maybe I will tomorrow. The good thing of having this song is the fact that no one sang it before them. So they have all the liberty to do whatever they want to the song. And because these two have different singing styles, we’ll know at the end which of the renditions is better.

 

And I think I will say that I prefer KRIS’ interpretation.

Round 3 for me, goes to KRIS.

 

Using Math, Kris wins as per my review.

But take note, the judgement only considers the performances this night.

 

 

And gosh, this is really, really a tough decision America has to make.

Considering the whole Season 8 journey, I think ADAM LAMBERT must be the next American Idol.

But if tomorrow, they announce that KRIS ALLEN won this crazy duel, I’d be really really blissful.

 

Going back to preferences, I am pretty sure I prefer Jason Mraz over Queen.

C’mon. Please. Let’s just do a toss coin.